5.03.2007

Return of the Nitwit!

Hi! The author (name redacted to preserve that poor sucker's identity) recommended your website. Do you have any tips for getting a literary agent? Can YOU be my literary agent? Will you be at the book expo in late May?

-Thanks


No
No
Yes


Major clue: When someone directs you to a website, generally it helps to read more than the title before you fire off an email.

47 comments:

Lisa McMann said...

See, we even check up on you when you're not really here.

:)

green ray said...

Miss Snark, we've really missed you. So glad I checked tonight, just in case! I guess you missed us too, just couldn't resist posting, huh? Always good to hear about a new nitwit.

Anonymous said...

Some of us were suffering from worse withdrawal symptoms than others, and the impatient have been rewarded. Hurray!

ORION said...

You're back!!! I'm so GLAD.

Stargazer said...

Lol. Glad I'm not the only one, Lisa!

Simon Haynes said...

"Will you be at the book expo in late May?"

Just look for the poodle with a machine gun.

(I send writers to your blog all the time, but perhaps I should start explaining to them WHY.)

Joseph Ryan said...

I want to see some Miss Snark burning some query letters. I want to see photos of her sharp heels grinned the ash into the dirty pavement. Thats what i want to see.

Shots said...

Oh god. I tell my students to come here all the time. I hope none of them end up nitwittering out.

Good to see you back your snarkiness.

sylvia said...

Hurray, you posted. :)

victoria dove said...

She's back!

David L. McAfee said...

Hahahaha

Hey... wait a minute. That was my email...

Demon Hunter said...

LOL! Hey, Miss Snark, you're back two days early. Great, cause we missed ya! :*)

Kim Stagliano said...

Oh thank dog you're back. I tried, I really did, I tried to amuse myself with a Snarkian attempt. But I don't drink gin and that proved to be a stumbling block. So, would you have recommended confetti or glitter?

;)

bill e. goat said...

Dear Miss Snark,

Will you be at the Goat Show in ***** on the 31st? Wanna read my new novel? It's about Goat-Girls gone wild. ... No no no! Not that kind of wild! Sheesh!

They get .... are you readin' ANY of this? ... lost in the big woods when The Princess goes frolikin' after some cute ...

I have to go now. Apparently I need a bath. Goats hate baths. If i trott of now, she won't catch me for most of the day ...

Tell KY hi and tell him I had a great time at The Beach. Oh, I still have fifi's phone number if he's sure he wants it. I suppose female French Poodles are nice, but there's nothing like a French Alpine!

Okay, gotta run. I'll call you from Moe's sometime tomorrow, assuming I escape the bath. I'm heading for the coast!

Best,

William E. Goat, III

aly said...

Good to see you back in the blogosphere, Miss Snark. I suppose you've heard that your man Clooney has made TIME magazine's 100 Most Influential People in the World? Surely this great news compensates somewhat for the nitwittery ever haunting your doorstep.

MelodyO said...

Heh, I can hear you now: I won't be back until the 5th...EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE NITWIT POST OMG.

Because some snarks just can't wait.

Laura F. said...

Sigh. I am ALWAYS recommending that new writers check out your site for tips. That poor sucker could have been me.

I suppose this happens to all writers. The second anyone gets published (in fact, with me, the second an article appeared about the book), you start getting emails that say something like: "I haven't read your book yet, but I probably will. I am thinking of writing a book and can you tell me how to get it published and run a national marketing campaign for it?"

And of course, I say, "Why there are EXCELLENT websites that explain so much about the publishing industry. Why don't you check out Miss Snark, for example?" And pass the buck.

So now I feel guilty.

Adrienne said...

Shortest week ever! I am most glad! Welcome home Miss Snark!

Now that I know you'll be at the BEA I am going to keep an extra close watch on any and all agents in spiky heels with Killer Yaps. Hmm . . . maybe I'll hire a private detective to up my chances . . .

judy said...

Welcome back.

Anonymous said...

Miss Snark, I have this great idea for a romance fantasy urban western that involves a duck, a six-shooter and a harem of old maids. Also, a bull in a casket. Tell you what, you write 'em, I'll come up with the ideas, and we'll split the take. We'll make tons of money, honey, and the dog can have a share, too--

Sonya said...

Oh, crap. I recommend your blog all the time. In fact, I've often stated on the AW boards in response to writers' questions: "Miss Snark says this. Miss Snark says that. Go look at Miss Snark."

I've never said "Miss Snark should be your agent" -- not even as a joke. Still... from now on, I shall do as Simon Haynes suggests, and explain why I recommend that one visit Miss Snark...

M. G. Tarquini said...

You're early.

Cynthia Bronco said...

I know how opposed you are to profiteering, but maybe you could come up with a nice Miss Snark board game so that we may amuse ourselves in your absence.

I'm still hopeful for action figures and t-shirts.

Judy Schneider said...

Welcome back!

I agree with laura f. Once you become published, some people want you to do all the work for them. One guy came up to me at a writer's conference, pen in hand, and asked me for the name and address of my agent. I had never even met this guy (but I'll bet he was pumped with a great book idea that would rival Harry Potter).

I should have sent him to Snarkville. Next time, I will!

Crabby McSlacker said...

I think its amusing that so many of us are here, on a blog that's still supposed to be dark for a couple more days, instead of tending to our own manuscripts or blogs or lives.

I'm glad I'm not the only one with a slight case of Snarkaholism.

copper said...

Such a lovely devotion of snarklings; all gathered to worship our WTF goddess.
If you click your stilettos three times and murmur, "There's no place like home," do you magically arrive back in NY or does a bottle of gin naturally appear in your hand?

Cheryl said...

I've been a loyal lurker for months now. Glad you're back... I couldn't stay away either... I checked every day just to make sure... who needs drugs when you have snark?

Anonymous said...

Has anyone seen or heard from George Clooney during Miss Snark's absence? HmmMmmm...

mcewen said...

I always wonder why people [we] blog and then I read the comments after the posting!
[Not that I would in any wish to infer that your words of wisdom...]
Cheers

I. M. Bitter said...

Oh, I'm so glad you're back! I was starting to get the shakes...

-Bitter

Termagant 2 said...

Adrienne, you are aware, sand doute, that the formidable Miss S probably attends these events in frumpy flats, with a cat carrier firmly in hand? She didn't just fall off the recycled paper truck yesterday, yanno...

T2

LadyBronco said...

She's back...

And two days early, even!

WooHoo!

Anonymous said...

You're back early! Thank dog! The shakes were getting really bad, but they're abating now.

Janny said...

Sand doute?
Is that what you put in a French cat's litter box?

(Sorry, KY, for the mention of "c-a-t.") (Well, on second thought, not so much.)

WB!

Janny

Anonymous said...

About bloody time! Abandon us again, and you'd better give KY an uzi! Geeeesh, the noive!

sunjunkie said...

Yowza. I clicked over here out of habit, and would ya just look at this supposed-to-be-dark place. Looks like Night of the Jonesing Snarklings.

Glad you're back, Ms. S.!

Count Curly Wee said...

I've just noticed your site. What's it about, then? Who are you anyway?

takoda said...

Count Curly Wee,

Miss Snark's Site is dedicated to the dissemination of information about plumbing. We're all technical writers here.

If you notice, Miss Snark had something called a crap-o-meter a while back. That was a dedication to one of our industry's heroes, Thomas Crapper.

Thomas Crapper was born in the early 1800s. He invented a lot of useful plumbing things. He lived in England. Thomas Crapper holds patents for various drains, pipes, and manhole covers.

Hope this clears things up.

Cheers,

Miss Snark said...

Which goes a lot toward explaining Miss Snark's attraction to Travis McGee***.



***bonus points for anyone getting the sideways joke.

Jeannine said...

This was a damn long week. SO glad you're back!

Matt said...

Great... now that Wiper's song is stuck in my head:

"You better watch out/You better beware

They’re coming from all sides of the country/Yeah, you better beware

Return of the rat/Return of the Rat/Return of the Rat

Oh no! No! No!"

Laura Ware said...

You know, I checked here today hoping there was some sign of life...

Glad you're back, Miss Snark! I miss the reading.

Hope KY had a good time too!

Southern Writer said...

Aaaaaaah. Relief. So glad you're back. Hope you got a much deserved rest.sopnd

Mamalujo said...

Because of his houseboat, the Busted Flush.

Anonymous said...

Sorry! I may have recommended your blog to a few people. So this might be my fault. On occasion when I pitty some poor soul who tried to find an agent on some spot on Craig's List or elsewhere, I try to send them some advice and will often point them toward your website.

Of course, I meant for them to read the blog. But, what can one do? ;)

Termagant 2 said...

Sand doute was a typo. It was early and I hadn't had my caffeine overdose yet.

Besides, I'm allowed typos 'cause I don't speak French.

T2

sunjunkie said...

Speaking of typos, I just noticed I called Miss Snark "Ms."! I hope she didn't notice. Hey, is that a stiletto lodged in my forehead?