Nitwit of the Day!

MS: "Snark Agency, you have three second not to annoy me, talk fast."
Caller: "Do you represent (insert name of famous author)"
MS: (regretfully sighing) "no, I don't"

Caller: "Do you know who does"
MS: "yes, she's represented by Big Fancy Pants Agency"

Caller: "oh good, do you have their number?".
MS: "no, but I have yours."


Bill Peschel said...

Hah! Good line.

Bridget Medora said...

Nice comeback. ;-) You do have their number.

Anonymous said...

Dear Ms. Snark,
An editorial company who line edited my novel has offered to send my query letter, chapters, and synopsis to lit agencies. They're not asking to be paid for it. They say they only do it a few times a year. They have been around for awhile, and I have no reason to doubt them--their manuscript suggestions were very good. My question is, will a literary agent really pay more attention to a submission if it comes from them, rather than an unknown author? The answer would seem to be obvious. But I've been fooled by obvious answers before.

Anonymous said...

Although it's always a drag to be mistaken for a telephone directory, look on the bright side. The caller simply assumed you are the power broker of the North American publishing scene. Your stilettos are clearly to be revered and feared.

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

Humm . . . I might have given the twit the number. If the other agent is a jerk (jerks happen in every profession), and he was a jerk to ME, I'd have passed on the number with glee and wished the twit good luck. Ok, so I wouldn't really do that. But, the thought would cross my mind.

Isn't the issue manners? Most people lack them. And they lack good sense. They don't think through to consequences. The male brain doesn't come off the pilot light until about 30. (Hey, guys! I got that thought from my grand-uncle Bruce. If a guy can say it, it must be true. Right?) But this isn't an exclusively male problem.

Snarky, oh wise woman of the literary world, how do you cope with author frustration? A lot of it must come your way.

Dave Kuzminski said...

Miss Snark reminds them that they could be clients of the agent behind A Gent's Outlook. In fact, if she gives out any numbers, I'm certain those must be his as he so richly deserves them and needs more material for his blog.

Unknown said...

Miss Snark, when it comes to manuscripts what is your ideal font and size Times 12? Courier 12? Arial 12?

Do you prefer 10?

Please inform!

Anonymous said...

Oh Dave, what a wonderful idea! I read his blog because I'm one of those people who gets a kick out of watching someone make an ass of themselves, but he really is a jerk isn't he?

I wonder how many of the replies to his comments were written by him pretending to be someone else.

You have to wonder...

Anonymous said...

I used to get questions like this all the time when I ran a vintage clothing store. People would come in and ask for directions to our direct competition, which was down the street. We had a store policy to tell anyone who asked that the store they were looking for had closed down and no longer existed.

AzGhostWriter said...

My conversation this morning with a recruiter inquiring about my three month gap in employment:

Me: "Uh, I was writing a book? I always wanted to do that and had the money saved."

Recruiter: "Interesting, do you plan on making this a career?"

Me: "No, I'd rather eat. Besides most writers I know are poor."

Recruiter: "I can understand that. Too bad."

Dave Kuzminski said...

Yeah, anonymous, he strikes me as the kind of person trying hard to be the Marcus Vic of agenting.

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

Oh, my. My what, I'm not certain ...

I hunted up A Gent's Outlook. Oh, my! (Yes, I'm repeating myself.)

My mother wisely said that people who swear lack sufficient vocabulary to speak (or write) sensibly. She's right. He's an example. How does he hope to represent competent authors, when he can't show respect for well written and expressive English. The only thing swearing expresses is foolishness.

The advice he gives to new writers may be sound, but on what basis would one feel compelled to accept it? Does being able to write words that the under-educated scrawl on restroom walls make him the arbiter of good sense and great writing? This man is a fool.

I hope he isn't an agent I've queried. I'd rather never have an agent than have him as an agent. He respects on one but himself. He's probably mean to his own mother, at least behind her back.

Dave is right. Give the rude idiot this agent's number. They would probably work well together.