What the hell is wrong with you?

Imagine Miss Snark's surprise when she opened her mailbox and out popped a query.
An e-query no less.
About non-fiction no less.

Only because Miss Snark's wrath was sated by complex carbohydrates during the luncheon break did Miss Snark not respond "I'm sorry I don't represent nitwits, so please remove me from your query list.".

No, I just deleted it.

But, a word to newcomers to the blog.

1. Don't query Miss Snark

2. Don't query any agent unless you know the answers to at least two of these three questions:
a. books that agent has sold
b. authors that agent represents
c. the agent's submission requirements

You may think Miss Snark is just ducky, and in fact she IS all she's quacked up to be, but this blog is not for queries...unless you want them posted, critiqued and eviscerated. And even for that, you need permission.

Back now to gin soaked dried apricots.


Saundra Mitchell said...

If they're gin-soaked, how dry could they be?

Uisce said...

I'm a newcomer and I appreciate the advice. And since it's delurking week (I swear I keep reading that everywhere) I'm going to say HI. (ducks) Yes, I am that intimidated.

Unknown said...

Which REMINDS ME, Miss Snark...

I was wondering if you'd be interested in reading a memoir I've been working on. It's a long, dark, terrible tale of a life of male prostitution and working for an Italian restaurant as a delivery boy.

I would often do a vial of crack, chase it with a gallon of vodka, and lie in the back - by the warmth of the oven, where tiny pizzettes would come out and dance before me.

At one point I accidentally killed two people with my pizza car.

And then I was arrested and sent to Siberia for 20 years (despite the fact that I'm 24).

Of course I've burned all of the documents that prove any of this, but I'm sure that once you read A Million Little Pizzas you won't care a lick!

Justin R. Buchbinder

Tina said...

Dear uisce,

I'm another sorta newcomer, also de-lurking myself (if that can be done)and discovering that the water's quite nice here in Snarkland. No need to be intimidated. Unless you hear the violent swoosh of a stiletto headed your way. In that case, ducking is advised, but usually pointless. Her Snarkiness has deadeye aim.

Anonymous said...

What if you know a & b, but not c?

Anonymous said...

Just imagine how surprised you'll be if you ever get an e-query about a certain thiller:)

Anonymous said...

Question for the blog: have you noticed that if a book is going to sell it sells right away (like a month or less)? I know there are exceptions and a few books don't sell until after a year or so, but doesn't it seem like most books either sell right away or not at all? What's the average time for you personally? (the books on your list) Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Why would anyone query an pseudonymous blogger, no matter how knowledgeable that blogger might seem to be?


Miss Snark said...


Elektra said...

Was the query actually addressed 'Dear Miss Snark'?
And is it just me, or are these word verifications getting longer?

Anonymous said...

Miss Snark, you're a friggin' hoot!

Anonymous said...

Miss Snark, Just completed my 400 page manuscript regarding a Historical Romance. I sent an e-query (per their request) to a major publishing house.
I made sure that my query was well polished and tight however, received a reply that my story idea was not right for them at this time. How do I take this?
A fan down South