Where's the nearest fallout shelter?

Miss Snark,

Just completed my 400 page manuscript regarding a Historical Romance. I sent an e-query (per their request) to a major publishing house. I made sure that my query was well polished and tight however, received a reply that my story idea was not right for them at this time. How do I take this?

oh take it badly, very badly.
They're clearly out of their minds. Probably had an intern reading the e-queries that day.

Take that manuscript regarding a historical romance (is it an in depth analysis? your reconstituted senior thesis perhaps?) and print it out in a nice readable font. Then hand deliver it to the lobby of the publisher. If you need the address, just holler, I'll be glad to provide it. Make sure you don't leave the building unless the executive editor in charge of manuscripts has signed for it.

Really, the idea that this single query wasn't embraced with fervent applause is a sign of the impending apocalypse. While you're in New York, stock up on holy water from St. Patrick's. 50th and Fifth Ave. A quick walk from Random House, Simon and Schuster and Time Warner.


Janet Gurtler said...

How do you say "Ouch" in Snarky?

Sha'el, Princess of Pixies said...

If your novel is written in the same style as your email, it means that your well-polished manuscript wasn't readable. Oh, that reads back as far more unkind than I intended it to be.... Sorry. But it is true.

Have someone else, other than your mother or another near relative read it. Get an honest and educated opinion. LISTEN to the comments.

"Not right for us" means they don't want it. You've been rejected, reason unstated. Take it as rejection.

Do they publish the genre you write? If so, did you bother to read any of the books they publish? Is your book original, but within the style their editors like? No? Not likely they’ll publish it, huh? And if they don't publish the genre, they won't publish what you write

Anonymous said...

Oh, thank goodness I wasn't drinking my coffee, because it would have fried my keyboard...

Anonymous said...

I take all of your comments and professional insight to heart, appreaciating each and every one; thank you.

My question is:
if a new author is seeking the opportunity to have their script read and doesn't live near NYC or any other major publishing gurus' local, what advice would (relationship to "Where's the nearest fallout shelter?") you give to that prospecting author about submitting a proposal?

Stacy said...

Good answer.

Next victim, please!

WannabeMe said...

*spits tea across printer*

Crap. Not another one.

Ted said...

This is a perfect example of why you rock, Miss Snark.

Point made, sarcasm well noted, and yet it didn't sound anything like that Gent's (?) Outlook.

You rock.

I, too, once received a rejection letter. Hard to believe, yet utterly true.

Anonymous said...

I stand rebuked and redeemed!
Thanks for the swift snarky kick in the bum!

Rowan said...

Wow, I have now seen a perfect example of "dripping with snarkasm"

Anonymous said...

Hmm, extra Snarky today!

Okay, own up; who sent in the industrial-strength Gin Pail?

Didn't you know Miss Snark is on Doctor's Orders not to have more that 2 gin pails per week?

Shame on you! Look at what you've done!

Peter L. Winkler said...

Oh, har de har har. That was so funny I couldn't stop laughing-because I never started laughing.

Hey, I know what we can do for kicks. Let's all go out and kick a cripple.

Wait a second. I *am* a cripple.

Forget it.

Anonymous said...

if a new author is seeking the opportunity to have their script read and doesn't live near NYC or any other major publishing gurus' local, what advice would you give to that prospecting author about submitting a proposal?

My question is, why do you think you need to live near NYC to submit your proposal? They aren't going to be reading it while you stand there. You send your proposals through the mail, just like anyone else. The vast, vast, vast majority of writers do not live in New York, and submit all their work through the mail. And their agents submit it through the mail as well.

Anonymous said...

Looks like Miss Snark didn't take her happy pill today :)

Mark said...

Well I mean it's this type of cluelessness that can infuriate any professional. People that aren't keep applying without learning a thing about the business they're involving themselves with.

David Isaak said...

Yo, Peter Winkler--I don't get your attitude here.

Wikipedia yields:
Snark refers to a pejorative style of speech or writing. It could loosely be described as irritable or "snidely derisive"; hence, 'snarkish', 'snarky', 'to snark at somebody'. (The Urban Dictionary refers to it as a contraction of "snide remark".) It could less politely be described as 'bitchy'.

Given this, why should anyone be surprised when they ask a stupid or naive question here, and find Killer Yapp lunging for their throat?

"Miss Compassion, The Other Literary Agent," may or may not have her own blog, but this isn't the right address. As the signs at San Diego Wild Animal Park clearly state, "Estos Animales Muerden."