HH Com 650

In a world where psychic vampires feed on emotions and life force, a moment of misplaced trust lands a young woman in a coma. As she watches her friend's energy drained by these monsters, Cassandra Lee swears she'll hunt down every last one.

Except they're hunting her, too. Born of a forbidden union between two psi-vamps, Cassandra has enough unrealized power to destroy her people. The Dark Court, their ruling body, intends to kill this Abomination before she discovers her true strength.

But a new faction divides them. Led by an upstart Lord, they don't want to kill Cassandra. Instead, they want to use her power to create their own Territory.

Alex Chandler, de facto leader of the Dark Court, can't let that happen. The last Abomination left his people all but extinct. Honor-bound to protect his misguided brethren and prevent history from repeating itself, he'll kill her himself.

But when he meets Cassandra, he can't believe a sarcastic goth girl is the creature they fear. As he befriends her to get closer to the kill, they begin to fall in love.

Cassandra discovers her heritage, shattering her ideals. How can she hunt "monsters" when she is one? Worse, Alex's vampirism is exposed. Furious, she wants nothing more to do with him.

When her sister is kidnapped by their enemies, Cassandra has no choice but to turn to Alex. Their search uncovers a plot that threatens both human and vampire alike, leaving only one choice: Stand together and fight.

This is unfocused and a recitation of events. Use the XYZ to get the important factors on the page, then start over.


Anonymous said...

Jeez--why is it EVERY vamp book seems to have the suckers banded together in a club, enclave, beer hall, clan or lodge? The ones I know can barely organize a weekend movie night.

The writer is instructed to read non-vampire books for the next year and no paranormals at all for the next six months.

Anonymous said...

Look, seriously, if he's close enough to be friends, he's close enough to kill. Just stabbity and run.

Anonymous said...

I think Miss Snark was a little hard on this one. Yes, it should be a bit more focused, but at least this one has all the elements: protagonist, antagonist, plot, and stakes. That puts it way ahead of many other entries.

Anonymous said...

I love it when the main character is an Abomination.


I am so not into vampire novels, but this piques my interest anyway. I like the set-up. I understand where Cassandra and Alex are coming from, and why they're on a collision course. I love "he can't believe a sarcastic goth girl is the creature they fear." I love the prospect of the internal conflict C will suffer: "How can she hunt 'monsters' when she is one?" In fact, there's a *lot* here I like.

So: Protagonist = Cassandra; Antagonist = the plotter(s) that you reference in the final paragraph? Or the upstart Lord? Or are they one and the same? Apparently this, and the nature of the bad guy's plans, need to be made explicit in order to satisfy Miss Snark's requirements.

Good luck -- if you get it published, I want to read it, vampires & all.

Anonymous said...

I'm creeped out. I started a vampire-esque story not two weeks ago with a protagonist called Cassandra Lee. Fortunately she's not a goth girl and there are no psi-vampire family revelations, but still...

...Someone's stealing my thoughts!