Well, that's one strategy

After many consecutive rejections written on the outside of my unopened query letter envelop, I have decided on a different approach to querying.

My plan is to kidnap George Clooney, duct tape some caviar-flavored Scooby Snacks and a couple of bottles of prime Mountain-made Gin to his chest. After writing my query letter across his butt in Sharpie, mail him to the agent most likely to read and respond to my query. So that no physical harm would come to him, I will include a Sharpie-removing sponge bath kit in the query package.

Now, I know you would never want to be part of such a scheme, but I thought that you might have an address or two of some worthy agent that would be interested in my query letter. Could I prevail upon you for such information?

Esther Newberg
825 8th Aveneue
New York, NY 10019

Suzanne Gluck
William Morris
1325 Ave of the Americas
New York, NY 10019


Anonymous said...

LOL LOL. I'm sure these agents will be thrilled to receive George in a crate. And the sponge bath material. Fun afoot!

The Anti-Wife said...

The problem with this strategy is that if the company charged with transporting Mr. Clooney from your home to the agent finds out that Mr. Clooney is in the package, the chances of it arriving at said agent's office are very slight indeed.

It might be better to mail or e-mail the agents a picture of you sitting with Mr. Clooney in front of your house along with some provocative note requesting them to come over and discuss your novel with him.

Jim Winter said...

Am I to assume that neither of these agents possess a Killer Yap, a subscription to the Gin of the Month Club, or a pair of T. Rexual heels?

Anonymous said...

But who would ever think to look at George's butt to read the query? ...oh, never mind, my wife said she'd volunteer.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

If Esther and Suzanne are your friends, they're either gonna love you or hate you when George arrives at their agency nekkid, duct-taped, and Sharpied!!

Anonymous said...

Of course, there's an assumption that Mr. Clooney would make it passed the assistant in charge of opening mail.

Anonymous said...

Although I am not an agent, I would be more than willing to provide valuable feedback on your query should you send George this way. Before you send to any agents you want to ensure it is as sharp as possible.

Dave Fragments said...

Of course, there's an assumption that Mr. Clooney would make it past the assistant in charge of opening mail.

WHAT? And at the first squeals of Clooney, Clooney, Clooney, Miss Snarl won't come running faster than the devil in Prada and take her rightful place in the business?

Anonymous said...

Miss Snarl? What a mean typo!