Yes, yes we have a nitwit!

Dear Miss Snark

Firstly, I am fragile today as my boiler has broken down, so please be gentle. (Miss Snark sees your vulnerability. It doesn't stop her from skewering you of course, but she sees it)

My question is this; I had a short story published in an anthology, and was spotted by an agent from a BIG literary agency. She took me out to lunch, asked to see more work which has taken me 5 months to complete because of The Sims.

I have finally sent 3 chapters of a new project she wanted to see,and she said she would read it over the weekend - she is very very very good with communication normally. It's been 5 days minus the weekend. She must have read it. Whats taking all the extra time? Since we have a sortof relationship, does that mean I shouldn't worry too much about the delay? Do other people at the agency need to read it to? Do they need to leave it to stew on a cooker for a while before letting me know what they think?

I know you normally say 30 days min but I do have a relationship with her right? Do you take this long responding to clients? She did say she'd read it over
the weekend? Am I just stressing? *Munches cheese and onion crisps*

I love your blog by the way. (we'll see about that my pretty)

Ok, let's review some facts here:
it took you five months to write three chapters.
She's had the three chapters for five days and you're wondering if you should call her?
Have you lost your fucking mind?


You have the interest and attention of someone who likes your work well enough to call you up, ask for it, and sit around waiting for you to tweak your commas for five months without calling you up and harrassing you. Look, she's got a mortgage to pay and a dog to feed. You think the dog eats leftovers??

Do not write to her.
Do not think about her.

And in case you're wondering there's this little thing called the London Book Fair coming up. And taxes are due. And the new Greek and Roman galleries are opening at the Met. We're busy here. Go work on chapter four.


Elektra said...

Greek and Roman galleries?!?!?!

*dashes over to Amtrak.com*

Anonymous said...

This one wins the Double Nitwit Award.

I have half a dozen computer and Wii games I'm in the middle of playing (including The Sims 2). I can play games until my mouse hand cramps, and I know more about them than all but the most hardcore gamers. I've spent years reviewing games for both online and print publications, playing games many never even heard of. I'm telling you this so you'll understand where I'm coming from when I say: STOP PLAYING THAT DAMN GAME!

There is no excuse to put The Sims or any computer game before your writing. If you want to be a writer, get off your ass and write.

Anonymous said...

I thought I'd be crying from your response Miss Snark - but it cheered me up!!!

The boilers still broke but thanks for your concern....

Dave Fragments said...

Get rid of the SIMS and write your novel.

Anonymous said...

Miss Snark, is the London Book Fair something all American agents attend? In an agency of three agents, would only the senior agent go?

Rachel Green said...

I love computer games too, but I don't load one up until I've hit a daily wordcount target: usually a minimum of 2000 words.

Anonymous said...

Editor here. I've told two writers I'd get to their stories *right* away.

That was a month ago.

By the time those words left my lips, more stuff on tighter deadlines landed on my desk, along with a dozen other do-this-NOW-or-the-world-ends things.

The world has not ended, but the writers have had to wait and will continue to do so until I'm able to make time to get to their work.

Grasshopper--you are not going to do jack in publishing unless you uninstall your time-eating games and start practicing to be a pro. The first thing I do on a new 'puter is yank ALL the games, including Freecell, solitare, and chess. They're not the Sims, but they will literally eat weeks of time if I give in to the temptation of "just one quick round." You've learned by now there is no such critter.

Now, smarten up and grow up and start working on the rest of the book. You've been given a freebie from the gods, but don't think they won't shaft you with extreme prejudice if you waste the opportunity.

You want to be a published writer with books in the store or just really good at games?

Anonymous said...

You have a "long relationship" because you kept her waiting FIVE MONTHS for your deathless prose???

That must mean I have long relationships with the various strangers on the bus I've taken to work for the last three years. If so, then I want to break up with the chronic sneezer on the fifth row.

One story in a collection is a good thing. It got you noticed. But trust me, that agent wasn't anxiously checking her mailbox every day for your chapters. She has a bunch of other writers just as talented as you who don't waste time playing games, and who know how to get the job done in a timely manner.

This is the Real World, not the Sims.

Anonymous said...

A concise boot to the head; this is why I love Miss Snark.

And I agree with the other posters, get rid of the game and get back to your writing. You have a terrific opportunity here. Make the most of it! Good luck.


Gwen said...

Maybe the agent is playing The Sims, too. Maybe her main sim is at a crucial juncture in her career, and the agent can't stop playing right now for something as minor as a partial. Give her five months.

Dude... Maybe she's playing World of Warcraft, in which case you should give her even *more* time than 5 months, because--hello!--blood elves don't just level up by *themselves.*

Gwen said...

(And, btw, I would never let myself be repped by an agent below Level 30. Maybe you should write her and ask what's up with her Sim before this relationship goes any further.)

WandererInGray said...

The Sims?

Wow. Just ... wow.

Here's a list of things I've given up to write novels:

computer games of all sorts

Yes, that's an exaggeration (sort of) but HELLO? if you want to write there's one thing you have to do - write.

And for the love of all that's good in this world, if an agent actually hunts you down and asks you for something (do you realize how rare that is?) lock the Sims in a box with a three headed dog to guard it and get the agent's request done in a timely manner (say oh, a few weeks at most).

Matt said...

The Sims, eh? And here I've been wasting my youth on Free Cell and Spider Solitaire.

Anonymous said...

I once met a 20-year old from my alma mater who landed an agent through a writer-in-residence who loved her three chapters and recommended her. She hadn't even written the entire novel. The young woman was handed a gift and was thrown into the writing world without realizing how difficult the whole process can be.

I saw her speak with a group of huge writers including Dave Barry. She truly didn't know how lucky she was. Instead of capturing the crowd with her youth, intelligence, and beauty, she stood at the podium, flipped her hair, and said something stupid like, "I'm really young and, ah, didn't know how to prepare, so I'll just read a little and then sit down."

She had the opportunity to grab the attention of all those middle-aged, wallet-clutching people but failed to do so. The cookbook sold out. Dave Barry sold out. She didn't.

For her, good fortune had come too much, too soon. Some people can rise up in the face of opportunity and others can't. Don't blow it. Shut off The Sims.

Anonymous said...

because--hello!--blood elves don't just level up by *themselves.*

Well they do, but that'll get your account banned.

--DeadlyAccurate, holding at L68 with her night elf hunter because she actually wants to have some semblance of a life for a month or so.

P.S. To the person who posted the question, keep in mind you can get a good two or three pages written just waiting for The Sims to load.

John B said...

The Sims can wreak havoc on your creativity. You'll find your novel's protagonist spending way too much time changing lightbulbs.

Rei said...

Miss Snark sees your vulnerability. It doesn't stop her from skewering you of course, but she sees it

I couldn't help but picture Miss Snark looking at the writer in the same way a lion looks at an antelope with a bad leg.

Chesya said...

Writer, are you even finished with the novel? Use this time to finish it up, so that if she does want to see more, you'll have it to offer.

Or are you perhaps waiting on her to find out if you even want to finish it?

Yasmine Galenorn said...

Like others say, save the games for AFTER you get your work done. I love the Sims. I love Diablo. I love Dungeon Siege. I do NOT play those games unless I can afford the time and am not on a deadline. I play a game of Backgammon in the morning to wake up, and a game of Spite & Malice. And then...I work. You might want to rethink your priorities.


Anonymous said...

You freakin kill me. Wish everyone would say zactly what they mean like the snark...


Anonymous said...

"She's had the three chapters for five days and you're wondering if you should call her?
Have you lost your fucking mind?"

I got that far, started laughing and ended up choking and coughing until I was blinded by tears.